book

I am always on a mission to improve myself, whether it's in regards to my health, spiritually or in parenting.  I ran across this book at the library and knew I had to read it.  It's not that we are not a happy family, but I just felt like it would have some great ideas in it.  And boy was I right!  I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is a parent - even dads.  I wish Chris would read this too.  It did take me renewing it twice to get it finished, but it was TOTALLY.WORTH.THE.READ.

This book completely validated my thoughts on staying home with your child, keeping your family together instead of divorcing and so many great insights on how to communicate and relate to your child.  As you know, marriage can be a challenge, especially in situations like ours where I joke about how Chris and I can both look out the same window and he says it's nighttime and I see daytime.  We are polar opposites.  But I strongly believe in learning to center our family around God and keeping us together and happy.  This summer, Brady asked if some kids have two moms and two dads.  I said yes, some do and then he proceeded to say he wanted two moms and dads.  I am fully aware that he was not understanding what that would mean, but I wanted to say over my dead body babe.  I have serious thoughts on divorce and the selfishness of it, but maybe later I will rant on that.

Some thoughts from the book:
* Every member plays a vital part in the development and well-being of the family unit.  All need to contribute in their own unique ways.  Everybody in the home is important and deserves to be treated with love and respect.  Each person should be granted the right to make mistakes in an environment of unconditional love- without being blamed or treated as a failure.
* Tips when you have an only child such as make plans with peers more often to provide common ground and connection, lighten up on their responsibilities, encourage unscheduled time for dreaming and provide opportunities to balance their seriousness with fun and laughter.
* You don't need to rub your child's nose in their mistake - they know they made them.  Instead, look for the teachable moment.  Don't rescue your child from the consequences, but walk alongside the child through the consequences.
* Kids are people too.  They have feelings.  How you treat them results in either drawing them into the family or pushing them out the door.   You need to model good behavior in order to get good behavior.
* The structure of the family has changed a lot over the years.  Only 14 percent of all couples with children in the home have "traditional" families (where mom stays home and is in her first marriage and the kids are under 18).  Kids need your time, not activities or things.
* Kids need boundaries, which provide belonging, to feel good about themselves and comfortable in the family environment.  If the rules are always changing, kids will rebel.  If you truly love your child, you will both love and discipline them.
* The section dedicated to dad's and their influence was phenomenal.
* Take your child out and do an activity that they like to do, not what you want to do.  Catch them doing something positive and encourage them.  It's the simple things that enrich a relationship and convey to the other person that you care about them, you value their companionship and that they are a valued member of the family.
* 'Tell me more about it' is an engaging question to ask to learn more about your child's interest.
* Focus on being together and having fun - not on things.

Dr, Kevin Leman has written numerous books, but The Birth Order sounds really interesting, so I might have to read that next!