I'm sure you are wondering.....

I had blood work done on Saturday and yesterday to check my HCG levels.  It was 209 on Saturday and 676 on Monday.  So, that confirmed that I am pregnant!  Forty weeks seems like a long ways away when you know you are pregnant week two already!!  I pray that this baby stays safe and healthy throughout this pregnancy.  I want to feel "safe" - it's just too early yet.  I always thought it would be fun to be able to announce a pregnancy, there are so many cute ways to do it.  We've never been able to since it's hard to hide fertility treatments, but I am able to take advantage of knowing early and be as healthy as possible.  We have joined the Y again (felt like going home after spending two years there every day!) and I have been walking every day (BORING!) and will pick up lifting and spinning again once the kids (and teachers!) go back to school.  It's just so busy right now, always waiting for a treadmill.....  Luckily we have one at home, but I like to try and go during the day so Brady gets some play time in!!!  :)  And I stepped up my eating game - I feel grateful that I am smart enough to be motivated again.  Thanks for all your prayers.  I felt really blessed getting all the emails, texts and phone calls during this process. 

Here are some more pictures of my boo!!

He's not much of a climber, but decided to be adventurous one morning...

We took advantage of the nice weather last week/weekend!

He really likes snow surfing!  Next year we'll need to find a bigger hill!

 

We went to the mall to play and then directly to Backyard Adventures yesterday to meet some people.  It wore him out.  What I love about this picture is his cars.  I'm sure mom has a picture of me like this from when I was younger with all my toys in bed with me.

Pregnant or Not Pregnant?

We had one surviving embryo out of the three.  Dr. Young explained that they did start a new freezing/thawing process at the end of 2010, but since ours were frozen at the beginning of 2010 they had to use the old way.  He said there's a better success rate with the new process.  I had the nurse call me that morning.  She called at 10am to tell me that two of them weren't looking right, but the one looked like it would survive.  I cried a little, almost like I was grieving a little.  I thought of those little ones for three years and that morning talked to them and told them to be strong.  And here they were almost gone.  It was a little sad. 

The procedure itself is not supposed to be bad.  I had to arrive at the office with a full bladder.  It would have been fine, except they attach the embryo with a catheter and because of the way my cervix is tilted, they had to switch catheters three times....  The whole time with the ultrasound wand pushing down on my bladder.  A procedure that was to take 5/10 minutes took 20 minutes.  It was brutal because of the full bladder, to be honest.

And then bed rest for two days.  I was so grateful my mom came to help with Brady.  That was the best part of bed rest - knowing Brady was out and about playing and having fun helped me relax.  I missed her tons the next day after she left and so did Brady.  However, bed rest brought out the number one reason why I strongly disliked (I don't want to use the word hate, although that's how I feel) being pregnant.  I know Chris's intentions are good, but even after bed rest, it's all the questions - should you be doing that?  Should you be lifting him?  I just want to scream "I'M JUST PREGNANT!!!".  People do all sorts of things (for example: run) when they are pregnant, but I always feel like I am being handled with extra care and it drives me nuts. 

So, am I pregnant or not?  It's a long wait to find out.  My next appointment is Saturday, December 28th.  Maybe if that turns out good, I can start to actually accept the fact that this might work?  And my bet is --- if it works --- it's a girl. 
 

December 2010

December 2011

 

December 2012

 

December 2013

 

Happy 3rd Birthday Brady!!

On Tuesday, December 10th, my little boo turned 3!!!  He is such a good kid.  I always tell people he makes being a parent so easy.  And he's so funny, as every parent thinks their kid is.  This year, he was at a perfect age to actually "celebrate" and we lived it up!!!  He understood about opening presents (at one point before his birthday party, I saw out of the corner of my eye tissue paper flying up in the air - he was excited to start opening presents!).

We had his birthday party at Chris's parents house in Carroll the Sunday before since both families were in town that day.  It worked out perfectly.  We did a Buzz Lightyear/Toy Story theme with balloons and cupcakes.  He was so excited!  And on his birthday, we met our play group at Monkey Joes that day and Chris and I took him to Chucky Cheese that night for supper.  He had a blast and was completely worn out.  Aside from your kid verbalizing just how much they love you, watching them have the time of their life is just as great.  Life doesn't get much better than that!

His stats from his 3 year check up:
Weight: 36.8 pounds (88th percentile)
Height: 38.9 inches (81st percentile)

Checking out his first present - Toy Story figurines

 

Happy Birthday to You!!

 

One tired little birthday boy

 

Chucky Cheese!

It's getting real!

Looking at my med calendar this morning, things got real pretty fast.  And here is a picture of my meds for tomorrow (some in the morning, some at dinner and one at night).  Yippee.  I can't wait until tomorrow to see in what direction our future will go!!! 

No triplets!! Most likely..

Ok.  I've figured it out.  Thank goodness for nice nurses.  They do have to thaw all three embryos since they were frozen together (most likely because one was weaker so they put them all together).  They have come up with a new procedure though where they can re-freeze one if they all three survive.  They would still put two back in me.  We will find out when we go in how many have survived the thawing procedure.  Monday will be a long day of waiting!!

A little Stressed???

Fertility treatment update:

Last week was my week of no shots.  Just patches and baby aspirin.  Yay.  My stomach is bruised and marked up and it's time for that to heal.  It was also nice to travel back home for my family's Christmas and not have to worry about keeping the Lupron shot cold. 

I had my ultrasound and blood work today.  Things look good and we are good to go for next Monday at 2:30.  My nurse was a girl I went through firefighter training with and she was one of my nurses last time, so it was fun to see her again.  Reality has set in though - bed rest for two days after transfer, walking only for the next few weeks after that, no kickboxing and of course, the standard recommendations for working out when pregnant.  And patches and booty shot through 12 weeks gestation.  I really dislike being pregnant.  I know, I know, it's worth it and I am excited to have a baby.  I do hope this works.

We encountered a hiccup today though that has me stressed!  Lately I haven't been able to get my act together.  Not working out, I can't keep up around the house, I just can't get organized.  So of course, payment and notarized consent form was due today.  I did realize the payment quote was off by $1K, so I emailed and luckily I was right.  She told me it was due today, but of course the front desk acted confused that payment was due.  WT*???  So then since we didn't get the form notarized and when I called this morning, they said I could bring it in and the nurses were notaries and could sign it and Chris could just swing by after work.  So I brought it in, was told to have the nurses sign it, the nurses told me the front desk would sign it and again, the front desk girl acted annoyed.  WT*???  So when Chris stopped in today to sign it, they noticed the number of embryo slot wasn't filled in.  So he said it was going to be 3, since that is what we were told would happen when we went through this with Brady.  The front desk said that isn't typical and they only do one at a time.  WTF.  Seriously.  Shouldn't they have told us this? 
They shouldn't assume that after three years, we should know if their procedures have changed or not.  Not only that, but I don't know if I can go through this two more times for a total of SIX times.  I guess I will be calling them again tomorrow morning!  And yes, I'm having a beer tonight because I'm stressed!!! 

Being Grateful

Our pastor ended service yesterday with a prayer where he said to please help us to be grateful.  What a true statement.  I try hard to instill this value in Brady, even at a young age.  It's so hard this time of year to see people receive gifts and not be grateful.  They are not grateful of the gift, money spent or the thought, time and effort that go into the gift giving process.  There are also kids out there who have everything so do not appreciate gifts given, or even have ideas on what they want since they have everything!  One thing I've always wanted Brady to acknowledge is how we are so grateful for everything - for a chance to live another day together, to be healthy, for a (not so warm :)) house, for family and friends, for safe vehicles, for the obvious things like clothes, food and shelter.  We have so much to be thankful for!!  We may not be able to "keep up with the Jones'", but that's not what living is all about.  The Bible says that what we have, even our possessions, are gifts given to us by God and he has entrusted us to use these gifts wisely.  I'm grateful for that!! 

I love my church so much.  I love the feeling of peace.  Simple peace.  I feel like my week just aligns correctly when we start off with church on Sundays.  Sometimes you wonder as a parent if you are doing things right.  Let's face it, you will never do everything right.  Brady watches way too much TV, doesn't get enough socialization and is not a healthy eater.  But, he does go to church with me on weekends, participates in Awana at church and is learning about Jesus.  When I walk up those steps at church listening to the music and think about how much Brady likes going to church, I KNOW that I am doing this part right.  Faith is important to me and I am showing him that, not just talking about it. 
He has also been to the gym with me so much during his little life.   I want him to know that being healthy is a priority too and that his life will be so much easier in all areas if he maintains a healthy lifestyle. 

Other things have been on my mind as well.  I'm freaked out thinking about holiday food.  I signed up for a 5 week program at the gym to keep myself in-line for the holidays.  I'm basically paying for them to weigh and measure me, but hopefully that's what I'll need.  I've fluctuated up a few pounds.  They say weight loss is 80% nutrition and 20% working out.  But the real truth is that it's 100% mental.  And I've struggled with that the last few months.  We (I) started fertility treatments about 4+ weeks ago.  Before that and because of that, the nerves got the better of my food/drink habits.  I've been able to control it over the past few weeks, but would at least like to see the scale start going back down again, not up.  We'll see.  The meds have affected me more this time.  About that......

I realized that this is my 4th time going through this.  I thought it would be a breeze (I'm an old pro at this, right???), but maybe since I'm more "in tune" to my body, I'm noticing the side affects.  I was on a antibiotic for 7 days.  It made me nauseous - I wanted to eat to calm my stomach, but it didn't make me feel better.  I also had to eat carbs with it, so carbs at night it was.  The shots sometimes hurt, I wonder if I'm hitting scar tissue or something.  The patches I have to wear on my back/shoulders are making me extremely emotional.  I just want to cry all the time it seems like.  And I'm just achy down by my lower stomach.  It feels like when I had to go through the stimulation phase.  When you  move, it aches.  It will go by fast though.  The morning of December 16th, we'll find out how many of the three frozen embryos survived the thawing process and we'll go in that morning for the transfer.  And then we will be broke as joke again.  :)  So that's that.  I didn't write down anything from when I went through all this the first three times and I wish I had. 

One more thought, I love posting stuff on Facebook and seeing my diverse group of family and friends who like my pictures.  It's so awesome to have people from so many different parts of your life - old jobs, old part-time jobs, friends of family, family, distant family, play groups, college, high school, the gym, neighbors, old bosses.  I love it - I love having these people in my life.   

 I heard "Mom, come find me" and this is what I saw.  :)

New coat and snow pants - getting ready to go outside and play!

Meeting Santa yesterday.  This was totally worth the $12!!  I love everything about this picture!!

We made the paper!

Brady and I went to pajama time at the library last Thursday night.  We hadn't been there for an evening activity in months, but needed to get out of the house.  He showed up in a Trick-or-Treat shirt, dirty pants (no pjs!!) and in general was just dirty.  Of course, we happened to be the ones that made the paper!

Doesn't everyone color their monkey blue (his favorite color)??  And notice his car next to him.  They seriously go everywhere with him!

Flashback to November 2011.  Where does time go?? :)

October recap!!!

October was busy!  And fun!!

Brady took classes at the Y again in October - Tiny Tumblers on Tuesdays and Art on Thursdays.  Both of them were wonderful classes.  He liked both of them and Tiny Tumblers was good exercise for him!  Wednesday mornings were fun too - Tot Lot at the Waukee Public Works building and then library time.  I love having our whole morning booked and we made "friends" there!

We finished up the Awana program at church at the end of the month.  I will probably sign us up again at the beginning of the year.  It was a great opportunity for Brady to learn, play, make friends and be apart from me! 

We had lunch at Panera with one of my college roommates, which was much needed as always!! 

We put Drake to sleep on the 12th.  Our hearts are healing.  He was such a goofy, big ol' lovable dog.  We still miss him of course!!  That day, our neighbor had given us tickets to the Dinosaur exhibit downtown, so Brady had a fun experience seeing the big dinosaurs that afternoon and we had to play dinosaurs the rest of the weekend!

We went to San Diego for Jenn & Kyle's wedding.  It was on the most beautiful beach I have ever seen, a beautiful wedding and a wonderful family vacation. My family never gets time together, so it was so much fun to just hang out!  A few morning runs on the beach, a house within walking distance to the beach and hanging out on the beach every day was amazing to me.  The life I always wanted.  :)  I would move to La Jolla in a second!!  Here are just some of the hundreds of pictures from our trip (and they are completely out of order!)

Cousins

Love......

Cool dudes!!!

 

Getting married!!

  

Sea World!

First day at the beach

Coronado Island

 



La Jolla beach - our every day playground!

My morning run view....  I am envious of people who get to see this every day...

And of course, Buzz Lightyear made his appearance for Beggar's night!!

Oh Drake...

It's taken me awhile to be able to sit down and write this post.  It was two weeks ago on Saturday and it still feels like an overwhelming task.  I tend to eat my emotions and am currently mindlessly eating crackers with tears in my eyes just because I'm going to write this. 

Drake had blood work done at the beginning of the summer and everything came back excellent.  I joked about it, but deep down loved that dog so much I seriously couldn't imagine him getting sick.  Shortly afterwards, I switched his food to a different kind that did not have red dye in it considering that any time he vomited, it cost $65 a spot to get it out.  However, his stomach started to swell over the summer.  I noticed, but just assumed it was the food.  About a month ago, he stopped eating twice a day.  There were days he would go 24 hours without eating.  We tried to wet his food to soften it, crush up cereal to put on top of his food, even switched back to his old food thinking maybe his teeth hurt or something.  On Wednesday before "that day", he stopped eating.  He vomited, wouldn't eat treats and wouldn't even touch table food.  He would just go outside under the tree in the front yard and lay there.  By Friday evening, he started moaning (not his typical groans) and was panting. 

I'm sure you wondered why I didn't take him in before this.  I was having a huge battle going on in my head.  We were leaving for vacation that next Wednesday and I couldn't leave him like this.  I even told Chris that we should probably fly back the day after the wedding.  But yet I didn't want to take him in and have the vet recommend surgery, meds and have the dog sitter have to worry about that.  I just felt like I couldn't leave him.  It was tearing me up because I knew he needed to get in. 

I woke up at 5:15 Saturday morning and could hear him moaning downstairs in the living room.  He hadn't been upstairs for a few days, except for the night before he pushed open Brady's bedroom door and woke him up.  I went in there and Drake was just standing next to the bed staring at Brady.  God, I love that dog and his relationship with Brady.  I will always wonder if that meant something.  I was telling my workout partner that morning about Drake and what was going on and she said what I knew - I needed to take him in ASAP.  I got in my car to go home after my workout and just started sobbing.  I knew.  I knew and I had been denying it.  I knew that when we took him in, that would be it.  He's 12.  He's not eating, not going up the stairs, moaning, he can't catch his breath.  Deep down, I think that's why I didn't take him in right away, because I knew.  I sobbed all the way home, in the shower, while I called the vet and all the way through the vet appointment.  I had a nice swollen bump next to my eye before we made it to the vet thanks to all my crying.  As if it was meant to be, our vet that we have always went to over the past 12 years was the one working that day.  She recommended blood work and an x-ray to see what was going on.  She took Drake and we left to go get breakfast while we waited.  I sobbed in Hardee's as I tried to load up on caffeine and no matter what, I couldn't stop crying. 

We went back to the vet and waited in the room.  We could hear Drake barking so Chris had her bring him in.  In the most heart wrenching and naive way, Brady saw Drake come in and said "I'm so happy to see you Drake!"  She explained the x-rays and blood work to us.  His spleen was extremely enlarged, most likely due to a massive tumor in his spleen.  This was causing him to lose red blood cells and he was so anemic that he was close to needing a blood transfusion.  Because his spleen was so enlarged, it was pushing his intestines off to one side and pushing his stomach to one corner.  This was the reason he could not keep food down and he could not catch his breath.  He also had severe arthritis along his spine, which was obvious since every time he got up off the floor, his front part of his body would get up first, then his back end.  We could do surgery, but that would give him maybe two months in which they wouldn't be good months since he would be recovering from surgery.  It was the most out of body experience I have ever had.  I was standing with the vet and just put my head in my hands and kept bawling.  I couldn't look up, I couldn't answer her and it honestly felt like I was standing above the room looking down.  I know she was rubbing my arm and saying she was sorry, I know Brady was talking to me wondering why I was crying, but I couldn't move.  Chris asked if Drake was in pain and what she would recommend.  She said he probably wasn't in a lot of pain, but pretty uncomfortable and she said "he's ready". I'll never forget those words.  He was ready.  I knew it. 

She took Drake back to get him prepped while I did paperwork and then Chris, Brady and I went back and sat with him rubbing him while it happened.  He was gone before the second shot was even finished.  He had his family by his side when he passed - we needed to give him that.  That wasn't the hardest part though.  Walking out of that room and leaving him for the last time laying there was the hardest most haunting part for me.  That was physically painful. 

It all happened so fast.  From the number of days that he went downhill, to deciding to take him in and his appointment, to having to make that decision to the time he passed.  We went in at 8:45am and I was driving home by 9:55 that morning, without Drake.  We woke up the next day and thought 'did yesterday really happen?'  Losing Drake was a HUGE loss for me.  Drake and I had been through so much over the years.  He was the true definition of a "best friend".  Even though he just laid around all day, his presence was everywhere.  From the oil stains from his coat on the carpet and walls, to the treats I threw out on the deck trying to get him to go out.  His medicine on the front bathroom counter and all his "stuff", everywhere.  I still listen for him all the time - in the middle of the night, when I open the garage door, when the door bell rings, when Brady drops food.....  Our house literally feels so empty and quiet.  I talked to him so much during the day and so much of what we did revolved around his schedule.  Letting him out before we went somewhere, saying "bye Drake" as we walked out the door, getting home to feed him on time, checking a hundred times a day to see if he needed water.  Once in awhile, we still feel like we hear a groan or bark and it's just our imaginations.  I felt so different that next week.  It's hard to explain, but we continued with life, but I felt different - worn out, sad, lonely.  I wanted to scream I just lost my dog and then the next second I didn't want to talk about it and just hold him close to my heart.  I decided to put the news on Facebook since so many people knew Drake and it was an amazing part of the healing process.  We laughed and cried over the funny stories people remembered about him and it made us feel good to read them.  I used to say how I couldn't wait to travel and not have anxiety over Drake or I couldn't wait to get new carpet, but when it's all said and done, I feel no relief.  We went on vacation for my sister's wedding and I felt no relief over not having to worry about him.  I just missed him.  I miss him tons.  Ultimately, I know it was the right decision - he was ready, I could see it.  And I know I gave everything to that dog, sometimes I was OCD about his care!!  So that has helped with closure on my part, because he knows I loved him.  I just wished I could have done more, or at least hugged him more, pet him more - especially that morning.  He was the best pet we could have ever asked for.  We were so lucky that we picked that fat (the fattest) puppy in the litter that day.  We were meant to be a family. 

Brady and Drake formed an amazing relationship over the past few years.  The other night at church when we were waiting for Awana I asked if Brady knew who Jesus was and he said "Drake's friend".  He knows Drake is with Jesus, but sometimes out of habit when he drops food, he'll yell for Drake to come and get it.  I think he understands Drake isn't coming back anymore, but I hope through pictures, we can help Brady remember someday what a great first pet Drake was and how much they loved each other.