Celebrating a life

Yesterday was a year anniversary for our baby's due date.  Instead of hosting a DR party for our friends last weekend we would have been hosting a first birthday party.   I wanted to start a simple tradition for our family to remember that little life we lost on earth but will someday be reunited with so I bought three yellow helium balloons.  We went to the park, we each said a little something and released them together.   It was really sweet!

Brady praying and saying goodbye to the balloons forever :)

I have been trying to pin point why the past few years I have felt like I have lost control on things (weight, eating, drinking, patience and positive thinking).  I think that there were just a bunch of things that happened that I didn't take the time to process and deal with.   I just moved on.  Almost two years ago, we had to put Drake to sleep.  Just a few days later we hopped on a plane for my sisters wedding (which was amazing).  Right after the wedding I started six weeks of fertility treatments.   Then I became pregnant.   Eight weeks later I was told the baby was no longer alive and so I had a D&C.   I had only one day to rest thanks to my mom's help.  Brady started school that fall on the baby's due date.  Shortly after that I had MAJOR anxiety about leaving Brady for our trip.  And then I had to actually leave him for nine days.  After that I just got In a funk and ate and drank every single emotion.  

I felt freed last night though.  It stinks - 1 was such a fun age.  But it's like time is passing and it's ok to move on.   Hopefully now I can regain my footing.